Last night at yoga class I confronted again the spectre of what is often called the King of All Poses: the headstand. As long as I've been doing yoga, I have not been able to navigate this pose. Much like a pregnant woman who, upon going into labor, has second thoughts about the whole thing, I get into set-up position, try kicking up, and freak.
A long time ago my shrink asked me to identify my fear. I said I didn't like the pressure on my head. She asked me if I had ever seen anyone's head explode in yoga class. I replied that I hadn't. Still, the fears persisted.
Physically, it doesn't seem feasible to invert my torso over my head. Is this a balance or centering issue? I had trouble later in class, too, with shoulder stand. I couldn't tuck in my lower back strongly enough to stay vertical. Swinging too much forward, too far back. Splat.
I wonder if this is all about finding one's core, or center. In all senses of the term. I figure, best case scenario, I'm just a little disoriented that day. Worst case, my soul is a vacuum chamber and I'm flailing all around it.
Perhaps I shoud just hush myself and keep kicking up.
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